Secret Diary of a Gay Exmormon

Growing up mormon you learn from a young age that as a male you will grow up, go on a mission, come home and get married in the temple. They teach this starting at a really young age. I wouldn’t necessarily call it brain washing but it is form of psychological conditioning that works. Even though I was gay and mormon and knew that I could never overcome my homosexuality I, like every other little mormon kid, sang songs in primary about going on a mission and going to the temple. From previous posts, you can read that I went on a mission because it was what I was supposed to do and maybe I had a little bit of home that my homosexual feelings would go away but I knew deep down inside that was not going to be the case. When I was in my stake president interview before submitting my paperwork to serve a mission, he asked me straight up if I was gay......This took me by surprise. Of course I am gay but I did not dare tell him that I was. He also said that he would never send a gay man out...

Dearest Mother,             Firstly, I understand I have broken your heart and you are very sad for the decisions that I am making in my life. I need you to understand that the decisions that I have made in the past 6 months have not been easy for me. I have emotional scars that will never heal some of which started back when I was a young child.                         I want you to know that my love for you will never change. We have never have open dialogue as a family; we choose not to talk about things. I understand you wanted us to have a childhood that was better than yours. I have no doubt that you were doing the best you could do as a parent. My heart is broken for you and the childhood that you endured. You have always been a great mother when it comes to support with extracurricular acti...

Below is a letter that I wrote to my mormon family to come out and tell them about separating from my wife.  4/17/17 Dear Family,             I am writing this letter because I am not sure how to confront this topic in person or even over the phone. Also, this is a matter that won’t be taken very well. Heidi and I are divorced. We have decided to go our different ways for a number of different reasons. I will be an active father in my children’s lives and Heidi and I will remain good friends. The situation is really complicated and I am not expecting anyone to understand.             The story begins a long time ago. I knew that I was different when I was really young. Growing up in the church has not been easy. I was taught the same thing all you were taught; being gay was a temptation and if you had enough faith it would just go away. Gr...

My name is Jordan and I grew up in the mormon church. I have had the perfect mormon family from onlookers, five children, four returned missionaries and five temple marriages. This is a perfect record for any mormon parents to be proud of. They can puff up their chests in church a little higher because they have done their jobs as good parents, well according to mormon standards. I have nothing against the mormon church and in fact I think that if people truly live by the teaching of the church they can be some of the nicest people. The animosity that I feel is against the culture that has developed over the last 200 years of church history. In the almost 34 years of my life I have met the nicest mormons and the meanest most judgmental people. I am not here to bash the church because my family are all practicing mormons and they love it and stand true to their beliefs and that is something that is commendable. Just a little but about me. I am a gay male who took 31 years to come ...